i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
