he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
