Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
