It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
