You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
