i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
