You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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