He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
