he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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