I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
