So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
