also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
