A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
