you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
