This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
