I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
