Your mouth is God's brothel.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
