wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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