I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
