she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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