God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
