we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
