Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
