how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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