Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
