the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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