The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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