I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
