Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
