i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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