You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
