just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
