My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
