I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
