wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
