Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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