Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
