All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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