That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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