I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
