well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
