he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
