her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
