first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
