Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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