I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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