dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
