The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
