that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
