He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
