I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
