I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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