handjob tips. give me some.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
